Chris' Diary

Writer : Unknown

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said,"You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be togetherShe said, "I miss you." I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home." She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!". Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore." I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

: : End : :

Chris' Diary

The Bench

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

Once upon a time, an old lady in her seventies was sitting on a bench in the park, she used to come to this exact bench every week for the past fifty years, she never missed a week, she usually just sits and looks at nature and enjoys the cool breeze and surfs in her memories.

An old man of the same age walked over and said:

"Would you mind if I sat down?"

Not wanting to break the tranquility of the moment, she just nodded her head. So, he sat down on the other end of the bench. Time went by, and as she was getting ready to leave, he nervously asked:

"Do you come here often?"

"Is that the best you have?" she replied.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is." he said, while shyly laughing.

She smiled at him, and said:

"Don't you just love this view?"

"Yes, it's wonderful, I really love it." he replied.

"By the way, I do come here often, every Wednesday, as a matter of fact, to this very bench" she said.

"How long have you been coming here?" he asked.

"Oh, more than fifty years."

"Wow, that's extraordinary!"

"So, Why did you break the habit?" he asked while looking at her, waiting for a response.

"Break it? What do you mean?" she said.

"It's Thursday."

"Thursday? Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course"

"No, no. you must be wrong, it's definitely Wednesday."

"It can't be. Because I always come here on Thursdays."

"Are you being funny?" she said with a serious tone.

"No, no. I always come to this bench to look at that view on Thursdays. So, it must be Thursday."

"Well, one of us is certainly wrong " she said.

She pointed to the two names carved into a heart shaped drawing on the bench and said:

"I've often wondered about them, do you think they were happy?"

"Well, who knows? At Least they were together." he said.

"Is that happiness?" she exclaimed.

He didn't know what to say to that, all he could utter was:

"I suppose we'll never know about them"

"Do you have a wife?"

"She died recently" he said with a sad tone.

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"No, it's okay. What about you?"

"My husband died few years ago, after fifty years of marriage, he was such a sweet man. But this bench was my little secret. I never came here with him in all those years. There was a time when he thought I was having an affair, because I wouldn't tell him where this place was. I used to tell him I was visiting my son, anything, just to get here. It was always important to me to have my little place; my little bench; my little view"

"You have a son?" he said.

"Yes, his name is John; he is in his forties now."

"John!! That's my name too. So, why here? Why this specific bench? "

"Well, there was a boy. We were young and in love, we only met few times. We met here. I was already engaged to my late husband and he was engaged to this girl, I don't remember her name, and things were... They were different times."

With a puzzled look on his face, not believing what he just heard, he looked at her and said:

"Jessica; the woman he was engaged to, she was called Jessica"

"And he was called John" she said, while looking at him with a stunned look, trying to recognize the face that belonged to her first love.

"And she was called Sarah" he uttered while still in shock.

As the sun was setting down, he laid his hand on her hand and without any more words they went back to enjoying that view, feeling the gentle wind on their faces, and recalling the beautiful memories they once shared.

: : End : :

Copyright 2009

The Bench

Short Story Competition

The Tensift’s Regional Center for Development








I woke up today to the sound of my phone ringing,I took the call and there was a nice voice of a young woman telling me that I have won The 2nd Place Award for The Best Short Story competition by C.D.R.T (Centre de Développement de la Région de Tensift).

To tell you the truth, when I sent my stories, I didn't expect to win or anything , I said to myself that I write just for fun , let's just give this a try and see what happens and that's how I sent these 3 stories :

1. It Ended Before It Even Began !!!

2. My Happy Life

3. A Day Of Love

I was competing against short stories written not only in English but in French and in Arabic and Spanish too , obviously they liked mine, and for the first time in a very long time I actually felt really good and my mood suddenly changed, I have never won anything before in my life, that's why this means lot to me , and just the fact that they liked my stories is just great and winning certainly tastes sweet .



Thank You C.D.R.T

Short Story Competition

13 Steps To Nowhere

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

Before I start telling you my story, just let me begin by saying that I am no one special; just an ordinary man with ordinary thoughts, I've led an average life, and soon after my death, I will be forgotten.

For the first time in months, I woke up with a big smile on my face, it was very early in the morning, which was strange, because I haven't done that in a long time. It was just another monotonous day in the city, only it wasn't that dull for me, unlike other days, I had a mission to accomplish. I waited in my room for all my family members to go to their jobs and schools, I didn't want to risk seeing them in that morning, it will be too painful to look at their faces knowing what I am about to do. After they were gone, I took a shower, shaved my beard for the first time in weeks, wore my finest clothes, brushed my hair and put on my favorite perfume, I was ready to go, but before that, I took out a letter from my pocket and placed it on my desk, next to the family picture, a letter that I wrote yesterday; a farewell letter.

I stood there for some minutes admiring every inch of my home for the last time, the walls, the ceiling, the furniture, it felt so quiet and peaceful there, then I said farewell to my home, and set out to complete my mission. I went to the nearest bus stop and I took the bus, It was quite empty so I found this nice seat at the back where I sat and relaxed while new people rode on the bus at every bus stop, soon enough the bus was full, I looked around and I saw this man with his wife and their three children standing in the crowd, and from the clothes they were wearing they seemed very poor, I looked at their faces and I could see the scars of this harsh world, but still they looked happy while holding each others, I felt sorry for them, but still managed to envy them for their satisfaction .

In another corner, I saw this cute schoolgirl listening to music on her iPod, she looked free of troubles and worries and full of life while singing along to a song, I looked at her and I wished I could go back to her age and start my life all over again, maybe things would be different this time and I won't end up like this total failure I am. Next to her, an old man in his late seventies was hardly standing with the help of his cane, he was wearing this archaic traditional jellaba, and he had that gracefulness that comes with old age, and even though the color white invaded what's left of his hair, and the years carved deep wrinkles on his face, I couldn't help but notice that somehow he still managed to smile and joke with people next to him. How could anyone maintain that positive outlook after such a long time on this earth with all its brutality and cruelty?

I got off the bus, and walked until I arrived at my desired destination.

"It's the right spot" I thought, and sighed in relief for I have finally found the right place. Strangely, it was exactly how they described it to me; they said: "once you arrive at the place, you will see this concrete bridge and then count thirteen steps and you will find this gap caused by a storm on the left side of the bridge, and you can easily jump from there and you won't feel a thing"

It sounded good enough for someone like me who got fed up with life with all its despair and oppression, and did not find but suicide as a way of salvation.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, THIRTEEN"

As I was taking those steps, I was thinking of all the things in my life that matters; the things that should prevent me from putting an end to my life right here, and I couldn't think of any. My heart was pounding faster and faster with each step I was taking, it was only thirteen steps but it was the longest walk I've ever had.

"Just a step forward on the edge of this worn out old bridge and I will disappear from the face of the earth, and I won't even feel the difference. I hope it will be painless as they said, I'm on the verge of doing the world a great favor by getting rid of such a negative person like me, the least thing I can ask for is that my death will be quick and painless." I thought

"Farewell… you greedy world. I hope you'll be better off without me, as I am sure I'll be better off without you… Farewell…" I shouted

I stood there for some seconds, on the hope that someone would stop me, but no one took any notice. I mumbled some words under my heavy breathing and I jumped.

Nothing happened, it didn't hurt at all. It was wonderful, I felt like I was born again only this time was into a world that I've never thought it exists, a world with no hatred and fear, a world that was overwhelming with love and peace, a world where I felt at ease, a world where I felt free, a world that I belonged to. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening, but more importantly, I couldn't understand what was happening, was I still sleeping in my bed and this whole thing was nothing but a dream? Or am I really dead and this is heaven? I don't know, all I know is this; If this new world I've finally found was nothing but a dream then I don't ever want to wake up, And if I really did jump and now I'm dead, then I thank God and his great mercy for giving me another chance to be happy in a much better place. Either way I am happy and satisfied where I am right now.

How strange life can be! That that starts bitter ends sweet.

Suddenly, a great pain overcame my body, and as I was getting conscious, I was getting more aware of the real world around me, I tried to move but I couldn't, I opened my eyes slowly, but I barley could open them enough, only to see a bunch of people looking down on me, some with pity in their eyes, some with anger and resentment for choosing the easy way out, and others were just too scared of the fact that life can be so hard that some people choose to put an end to it. Apparently that world I began to love was nothing but the hallucination of a dying man lying in a pool of his own blood. Of all the people out there I should have seen that coming, it was too good to be true or at least to last for a while.

Lying there on my back, staring at the sky and the sky staring back at me, I felt scared, I didn't want to die, I wanted my life back with all its malice and ugliness, I wanted a second chance on this earth.

"Maybe I can turn things around this time, maybe I can make something of my life, maybe all I need is some help and I will be just fine." As soon as those words left my mouth, I felt how useless and hopeless they were. Who am I kidding? It's too late for a second chance, too late to make something of my life; it's just too late.

As I was taking my last breath, someone from the crowd knelt down next to my aching body, and started talking to me, saying that everything will be alright and that there is nothing to worry about; and that was a lie. I looked into his eyes only to see the reflection of my sinful eyes looking back at me, I looked again much deeper into his eyes, and I saw how scared he was, scared of the fact that I am about to die, and that there is nothing he can do to help; and that was the truth, and before I knew it, my soul left my still warm body, hopefully to a better place.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder: Am I better off dead? Have I made the right choice? Or have I given up on life so easily? Have I tried enough to put my life back on track? Or was I too weak to do so? Am I being selfish for leaving nothing behind but pain for everyone who once loved me? Or was my whole life nothing but a disappointment to all of them and it just doesn't matter anymore?

Well, I'm done asking those questions, because I don't have the answers, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you, because now, I'm nothing but a dead body with so many broken bones and bruises to display.

How strange life can be! That that starts sweet ends bitter.

: : End : :

Copyright 2009

13 Steps To Nowhere

A Final Goodbye

Written by r.e.potter

In memory of my mother who would have celebrated her 73rd birthday this weekend. But instead, taken at 33



Twas the last night in April when awoken by cries
When we knew of the truth by the tears in his eyes
My father stood trembling being held from each side
Without a word spoken we knew our mother had died

No words could you offer no words could make right
No time in this world could heal wounds from that night

The gift of morning is given now the first day in May
Blooming life springing forth from the suns golden ray
Outside there was laughter children heard as they play
But for three little children a mother taken away

No words could you offer no words could you say
No way to bring back and wash her cancer away


Tis now the fourth day in May nine years old I have found
But no birthday cake or a cheer would be sound
No presents to open or smiles around
Instead this young boy would lay his mother to ground

No words could you offer no words could you say
No way to feel happy on my special day

I remember the visits of her hospital plight
And always believing she'd be home before night
Understanding today why her hugs were so tight
She knew then at the time she would lose her brave fight

Never quite understanding never quite knowing why
Never given a chance to say a final goodbye

A Final Goodbye

1 - Year Blog Anniversary

It seems like only yesterday that I started this blog, I can't believe it been a year already, it's amazing how fast time flies ..


I hope you enjoyed what I wrote so far, and I promise you to post some new short stories I'm working on as soon as I can..


I'd like to thank some dear friends of mine and some faithful readers for their continuance support & encouragement during the past year

Lamya

Aicha

Youssef

Karima

Safae

Hind

Marwan

Thanx guys .

1 - Year Blog Anniversary

Happy Birthday To Me !!

Article Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

Birthdays, they're supposed to be great, a day when we have fun and enjoy our time. But why is that? Why do we have to celebrate a year older? Why do we have to celebrate a step closer to death? Animals are able to give birth too, we don't see them celebrating every year, do we?

Why celebrate? I mean we're not getting prettier with every year that goes by and certainly not wiser either, what are we really celebrating? What is so special about the day our mothers gave birth to us that we felt the need to celebrate it every year? If you think about it , there is nothing worth celebrating about that day; mothers went through pain while in labor, fathers had to pay a large bill to the hospital, and a new life that was doomed to suffer was brought to this awful world, there is no bright side at all. Which only make it hard to understand why would anyone do such a thing? Except maybe that they were so miserable and their lives were so empty that they felt the need to share that with their children. If it was up to me, I wouldn't let my mother give birth to me 22 years ago, but I was helpless at the time. Anyway, that ship sailed a long time ago, or maybe the right word is 'sank', there is nothing I can do about it , and the same goes for you, it's a lost cause for all of us, but what we can do is prevent this from happening to others, that's why I have a favor to ask; please stop bringing new innocent babies to this world, Don't worry, I'm not asking you to stop engaging in sexual acts, all I'm asking is to use a condom maybe two just to be safe .

In the mean time I will try to look like I'm enjoying my life just like you do , and I will have a birthday party and eat a piece of cake and have fun with my family, maybe this is the reason why we celebrate birthdays, just so we can forget about all the ugly stuff in our lives, that's why I'm not going to ruin it for my family, I will let them enjoy that day and be happy, after all it's only a day.


Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday To Me !!

Marriage !!

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage....

Simply read from bottom to top.

Marriage !!

She Said, He Said

Writer : Unknown


A girl asked a boy if she was pretty, he said "No".
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever, he said "No".
Then she asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said "No".

She had heard enough; she needed to leave. As she walked away he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, and said:

" You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don`t want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die".

She Said, He Said

It Ended Before It Even Began !!!

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

Few years ago, I signed up for some English courses at the American language center in Marrakech, the first time I walked into the classroom, I was captured by the beauty of this girl, she is two years younger than me, she looks unique with her round face, rosy cheeks, dark hair, and big glowing eyes, she has this distinctive laugh, whenever she burst into laughter, tears start rolling down her cheeks, she just can't help it, she is so fun to be with and so full of life. But being the non-shallow type I am, I couldn't care any less, don't get me wrong, I do care about the physical appearance, everyone does, we will be just fooling each others if we admit otherwise, but at the same time I care even more about the personality, the inside beauty, that's what define who we really are .

Months went by, and I felt that she was the most beautiful person I ever met, inside and outside. I found myself attracted to her more than any other girl in our class, I always tried to sit next to her just so I can enjoy her company, there was something about her that I related to, I still don't know what it was exactly, but I really don't care, all I care about is that I felt better when she is around, and that was enough for me, I'm not sure if it was love or a pure friendship or just a silly crush, but it certainly meant lot to me.

We were friends, that's for sure, but I always liked to think of us more than just friends, oddly enough, I never made a move to make us more than just friends, I didn't feel the need to make one, I mean we were there for each other and we went through lot together and I somehow took her for granted, and that was the beginning of the end; I started to feel that we were growing distant from each other with every day that goes by, and that spark that was there, that something that meant the world to me is now fading like a dying candle. Soon enough I knew why, the wind was too strong, that candle didn't have a chance, and by the wind I mean the new guy in the picture who offered more than just a friendship.

It was too late for me to do what I should have done the first time I laid my eyes on her, she told me they were dating for a few months now and that they were planning on getting married soon, that's when it hit me that I'm going to lose her for good, and then I realized that what I felt for her was more than just a friendship, because I felt torn inside, something inside me was broken and couldn't be mended. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Him? For stealing my girl, or her? For betraying the love I never confessed to her. No, no, no, if I'm looking for the guilty, I need only to look into a mirror.

Why do we always feel the need to blame someone for what we do to ourselves? Why can't we admit the fact that a great part of the misery in our lives is our mistake? I couldn't sleep anymore, I couldn't eat anymore and I felt numb most of the time, I knew that it was all my fault but I couldn't admit it, I tried not think about it, I tried to forget about her and all our memories together, but I couldn't. The more I tried to forget, the more I missed her, I missed her laugh, I missed her smile, I missed everything about her. I knew that if I want to move on, sooner or later I will have to stop running away and confront myself with the truth, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do that.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, then, one day while lying in bed, I started thinking about the whole thing, and somehow I made peace with myself, and now I admit that I loved her, and maybe didn't know it until it was too late, or maybe I knew and I was a bit of a coward not to tell her, I don't know, all I can say is that I feel like I missed out on a great love story that ended before it began, and that only brought sorrow to my heart, I always thought that it's strange how we feel sad about losing something we never had, now I know it's not. Most people go through their lives moving from a relationship to another, throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart with every woman I loved, and I'm afraid that soon there will be barley enough to stay alive.

What have I got in this life? I mean really what have I got? I might have some good friends, I might have some money, I might be in a place where other men would love to be, but I don't have peace of mind, and if you don't have that, then you have nothing my friend, because if my life have ever taught me something, it will be this: Happiness is only real when shared.

Sometimes I wonder; if I had a second chance so I can be with her, would I go for it? I honestly don't know, and if I had to guess I probably wouldn't. As you see now ladies and gentlemen, the problem is not the girl, and not our complicated situation, the problem is ME, I always tend to get cold feet when I get close to commit in a relationship, and I hate myself for that, I guess that's what I have to live with right now. But I really hope from the bottom of my heart to be a better man, I hope someday I can change, but I don't know if I can. All I know is that I'm free, unattached, nobody depends on me and I don't depend on nobody.

Sometimes when I think about her and I do most of the time, I feel that I want to tell her so many things, but I can't, that girl is long gone and this foolish guy is all what is left, I got to live with that, but if I ever saw her again in her new life, I will force a smile, and be happy for her. After all, isn't that what love is all about? To be happy for the happiness of others?

They say the greatest love is the one given in silence, and I intend to keep it that way. But if she ever comes across this story, I want her to know this: "I'm sorry for the things I didn't say, but more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself, for living without you".

: : End : :

Copyright 2009

It Ended Before It Even Began !!!

Crush On You

Poem by : RachyBBY



Give me a hint,
Just one little clue
To let me know why
I have a crush on you
Don't make me feel silly
Or worse, even shy
And I'll listen to what you have to say
If you just tell me why
Is it the way you listen,
and talk to me,
Or the look on your face
When I do something silly?
Is it the cute habits you have unlike no one else
That make me wish I could have you all to myself?

Crush On You

Anger and Love have no limits !!!

Written By : Rajiv Lochan Raj



While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 years old son picked a stone & scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father, With painful eyes he asked:

'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions, Sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches, his son had written :

'I LOVE YOU DAD'

The next day that man committed suicide. . .


Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the later to have a beautiful & lovely life....

Things are to be used and people are to be loved,

But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved.

Anger and Love have no limits !!!

My Happy Life

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

What is happiness? Is it having money? a job? a nice girl? Or is it the whole package? What if I have it all and still unable to be happy? What if I can't enjoy life anymore for no apparent reason? What if I can't feel happy anymore no matter what I do? What if pain and sorrow are the only emotions I can feel? Then how can I live through life? How can I at least fake the happy guy image? Would I be able to fool others, and maybe even fool myself into thinking that I'm happy, I'm normal? What if I'm doomed in this life? And what if I'm not? How can I recognize happiness when it happens when I can no longer feel it?

What is the secret to a happy life? I thought I figured that out a long time ago. I wasn't always like this, there was a time when I was happy and satisfied with what I have, I don't know what changed. When I was a kid, happiness was simple to achieve ; play by the rules and study hard, that was the secret and that's exactly what I did , and if you work hard in school then you'll be rewarded with more school and more study, and after school, the awaited reward is the best thing life can offer; a job, money, and a future, but if you were living where I live, the reward is something totally the opposite, the reward is sitting home with no job, no money , and hence no future. Sometimes it is good to have nothing, you don't have to worry much about what you're going to lose. But in the same time you're terrified of what the future holds for you. And even after you finally got a job and money, nothing seems to change, and your feelings are the same about life, something is always missing , there is no pleasure in anything you do , nothing you can feel but the suffering and the hopelessness of it all.

I lost my interest in life a long time ago. I see myself coming home after a long day at work, to my empty lonely home, and then I question myself; why working the whole day? Why going home when no one is waiting for me? I change my clothes, I eat something cold from the fridge, and lay down in my bed watching TV, I keep changing the stations on the hope of finding something good enough to forget about my miserable life for an hour or two, and then sleep to wake up the next morning to repeat yesterday all over again.

Sometimes while laying down in my bed, I don't know if I am really asleep or I am really awake , I feel like I'm floating on the surface of a sea of my thoughts, and at risk of drowning at any time.

I always thought that the reward of being a good kid is waiting for me somewhere and I just have to look for it. well, I'm done searching, as far as I believe now, there is no reward, there is no perfection, and certainly we are not here to make things perfect, we are here to live through our crisis and break our hearts, and die after we wished death hundreds times before, your good deeds will be waiting for you in the other life not in this one.

If it wasn't for my religious beliefs, I probably would have put an end to my life a long time ago, but I guess in this case, death is a wish I can't afford.

I look around and I see people passing by, going to whatever they're going to, I see smiles everywhere , I see a crowd of guys of my age talking and having fun ,I hear their laughs and I envy them for not questioning their lives and their happiness. Maybe I know too much about life for a guy of my age, maybe I think too much about things I'm not supposed to think about, Maybe I just need to relax and embrace my life as it is, maybe my life is not that bad after all and maybe it is.

They say that everyone has a purpose in life, sometimes a person lives their entire life without knowing what theirs is. I always thought I had a clear image of my purpose in life, I always thought I knew mine, I was sure of it, and soon enough I was wrong, and this is how I come to be what I am, and this is how these came to be my life; my happy life.

: : End : :

Copyright 2008

My Happy Life

The Woman In The Red Coat

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

Sketched by : Makiko Itoh

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

He looked at his wife, who was crossing the street, through the window of their favorite restaurant.

She was wearing her old red coat, the same red coat she wore in their first date 20 years ago, she had promised him to throw it away but she never did, she just kept pulling it out of her closet, year after year, winter after winter. He hated that coat, he hated the same clothes that she wore over and over again, he hated her piles of lipsticks which she never used. He hated the way she use to hum that song while preparing lunch or ironing clothes. She approached all the things in the same way, and he resented that about her, but strange as it may seem, it was that feature that attracted him in the first place, when he first met her.

All those things were a part of his life for 20 years, the life that had become strange to him, and which he intended to abandon between the main dish and dessert. He realized the weird and logical inappropriateness of the place where he had chosen to put an end to his marriage. It was there where they had their first date, it was there where they had their first kiss, and it was there where they fell in love with each other.

She sat to his table, he looked at her face, and that's when he first realized that he had stopped loving her for a very long time. When she smiled at him, he was on the edge of shouting:

"I'm leaving you!"

"Stop smiling."

But instead he offered her some wine. He was thinking that he should just say the word and get through with this for good and all.

That's when she started to cry like she never cried before, he thought that she knows he was leaving her for that young passionate flight attendant, who he loved for a year and a half.

"She knows"

"I should have expected it" he thought.

While still crying, she took out some documents from her handbag and handed them to him. The documents were written in a very complicated lifeless medical language and described leukemia in its terminal stage.

Having read the documents, the meeting's purpose flew out of his mind. And an echo of a weird voice said to him:

"You can't leave her now, not like this"

And that's what he did, he took his wife home, and on their way, he bought her favorite cake, and sent a three-word SMS to his mistress, that says:

"FORGET ABOUT ME"

Since then, he became a different man, he surrounded his wife with the care she always desired; he helped her around the house, he accompanied her to her favorite movies, he went with her shopping even though he hated it, he read her favorite book to her aloud before her bedtime. He did everything for her, he even adored listening to her humming that song over and over again. Even the most silly things had a different meaning since he learned he was doing them for her for the last time.

Behaving like a man in love, he once again became a man in love. And when she died in his arms, he fell into an emotional coma from which he never awoke. And until this day, years later, his heart still sinks whenever he sees a woman in a red coat.

: : End : :

Copyright 2008

The Woman In The Red Coat

Rest In Peace My Love

Writer : Unknown

IT'S 7TH GRADE..

I stared at the girl next to me... She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S JUNIOR YEAR..

My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... I Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S SENIOR YEAR..

The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...

IT'S PROM NIGHT..

After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S GRADUATION DAY..

A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER..

Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

YEARS PASSED..

I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... "I wish I did too"... I thought to myself and I cried...Rest in peace my Love.

Why Do We Wait Until It's Too Late To Say : "I Love You"
Do yourself a favor and seize the chance while you can.
Because they won't be there forever .

Rest In Peace My Love

Memoirs Of a Lonely Man

Painting by Mats Eriksson

A Short Story Written by:
Dilly



"I love you"

"I love you too."

I looked at her. Her face, even though fuzzy and unclear was still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Who was this angel who has graced me with her companionship.

"Who are you?"

"Don't be stupid! Come on, I'm tired.."

I suddenly realized I was in my pajamas. I could have sworn it was day time.. but it was suddenly dark. I looked at her again. Her face seemed so familiar and yet so distant. But still, beautiful.

"Well? Are you coming to bed?"

"Yah... I guess.."

I walked slowly to her. I could not see where I was going and yet I didn't fall over anything. It seemed as if I glided towards her. Her face never became any clearer as I approached. Still fuzzy.

We talked for awhile. I told her all about myself. I'm not sure why because I almost knew for certain that she knew everything about me. But if she did, she showed no sign of it. She listened with the eagerness of a child, hanging on every one of my words. It seemed that she understood what I was saying, for once, someone understood me.

"I've told you so much about me, I think its your turn"

She laughed. A chill went through my body. That laugh, it seemed so familiar.

"Don't act stupid! You know who I am!"

Suddenly, with the fear and anguish that I can only imagine now, memory came flooding back. I knew her. I have seen her many times. Always at night. We always have the same conversation.

I began to cry.

"Why are you crying? What did I do?"

"Nothing, thats the problem. You're not real. This isn't real."

"Don't say that, I don't know whats gotten into you. Just come to bed, you'll feel so much better tomorrow."

"NO! I don't want to sleep. I don't want to lose you again."

I realized how useless those words are for even as they left my mouth I felt the wave of sleep come over me.

"You'll see, tomorrow is gonna be so much better. Tomorrow always is. You'll feel so much better. Just come to bed now."

Unable to fight, I went to her. I felt the warmth of her body against mine. The curves of her figure.

"I don't want to lose you again. I love you."

"Good night."


I awoke. The sun was in my eyes and yet I felt cold. There was nobody beside me. Just me. Alone again in my apartment as the world went by.

I hate dreaming. No, thats not true. I hate waking up.

Memoirs Of a Lonely Man

A Day Of Love

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

For the past few years, I got to know many girls but I haven't felt a thing for them, which made me feel dreadfully lonely, and oddly enough I only felt lonely in the crowd.

I started believing that I'll never live to see another love, why can't I fall in love and be happy just like every other guy out there? Why falling in love is so hard for me? Why do I push girls away? is it because I only see their faults? Is it because I'm afraid of getting hurt again? Or am I just scared of getting to know somebody and actually falling for her? Falling in love was so hard for me, but not anymore, at least not for yesterday, when a goddess walked straight to my house, to my room, to my bed, to my heart.

A day, Twenty-four hours, that's all it took for me to taste love again, I know that seems fast, but not if you got to spend those whole hours with her.. I know it still seems fast, but I don't care, I was able to feel something I haven't felt for a very long time, I almost forgot how sweet it is , I almost forgot how great it feels knowing that someone actually care about you in this world . I was in love again, and even though it was for one day, it was enough for me and for that I'm thankful.

Let me tell you how it started. I was watching a movie when the phone rang, at the other end of the line there was my mother's best friend, whom I didn't see for twelve years, I still recall her stopping by and visiting us back when I was a kid, now she lives far away and haven't seen my mother for a very long time, she said she was in the city and she wanted to come to visit, and of course she was going to stay the night over. after some time they arrived , and by "they" I mean my mom's best friend and her cute sixteen years old daughter, and let me tell you about that girl , she has a face of an angel, pretty big innocent eyes, rosy heart shaped lips, dark silky hair , and she have this irresistible look, you just can't help but to stare. We got a long from the start, she was funny, sweet, beautiful, charming, and she likes me. What else could I possibly want?

The first hours went slow, my mother was catching up with her friend and making the best of the time they have. Dinner was served after a while, and we started eating very slowly and politely, I guess you know how it is when a guest is in the house, everybody is trying to make the best impression. I hate that kind of things, when everything is going slow, and trying to act interested on what the other is saying, and that uncomfortable silence when there isn't much left to say. The whole thing is just awkward for me, so, I finished my dinner and headed to my room.

After a while, it was time to sleep, and everybody went to bed, except for me and her and my younger sister, after some time they came knocking on my door, asking if they could join me in my room, and of course I said "Yes". The night started innocently enough, we just sat and relaxed for a while, then played cards for a while, and we just end up talking about many things and getting to know each other better, then it become a little wild, she started hitting me with pillows and I hit her back then we started splashing each others with water, she was laughing and giggling, I can swear we woke everybody up at that moment, I looked at her , her hair was messed up and wet from all that hitting and splashing, and still she looked amazingly beautiful.

When we got tired , she said that she wanted to see a movie, to my delight I have more than fifty films on my hard drive, I played the movie, it was a scary one by the way, and then the three of us sat on my bed trying to enjoy the movie. after a while the girl put her legs on my lap, I said to myself "ok", then she started playing with my hair, that was "ok" too. I didn't want to do anything yet; I couldn't risk doing something stupid, I mean my sister was lying next to us half sleep, and I wasn't sure about the girl intention.

We sat silently for a while, neither wanting to break the tranquility of the night, after some time I couldn't resist the temptation anymore , she made it clear that she wanted me, and who am I to say "no", I put my hand on her hand, and then she bent down close to my head and she kissed me. I haven't felt that satisfied and happy in a long time, and just from a kiss. She looked at me admiringly, and then we kissed again. I looked at my sister and she was already in deep sleep. The movie was running but no one watched, I guess the three of us had our own reasons for not watching.

I somehow felt guilty and I don't know why, maybe because she was so young, or maybe because of my religious beliefs, I don't know. But whenever she kissed me I forgot all about that. Suddenly, I heard my father waking up and going to the bathroom, and we were still kissing, the fear of getting caught by my sister or my father or even her mother was exciting, there was so much nervousness in the air but so were love, lust, and desire.

The movie ended, I'm not even sure when it did, she and my sister went to their room to sleep, it was already late so I went to bed too. When the morning came, the first thing I got was my good morning kiss, then we had breakfast, unfortunately I had classes that day, so, I changed my clothes and went out. When I came back she was out with my sister, I was waiting impatiently for her to come home, unfortunately her mother told me that they were traveling back home after lunch. I felt sad knowing that I only have an hour or two with her.

Finally, she came back with my sister, and then they had their lunch. I was looking for the chance so I can be alone with her, I wanted to tell her so many things, but she was busy with her mother packing up and was around people most of the time, when it was time to say goodbye, she came to my room, I looked at her and I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know how to start , we just looked at each other for a while, I put my arm around her and all I said was :"I'll Miss You" she smiled at me with her big beautiful eyes, and said goodbye, though the good was gone from the word goodbye. I was sure I'm not letting her go without one final kiss. So, I came close to her and bent down so her lips will meet mine, and we kissed, it was a sweet tender kiss, a goodbye kiss, and if you happen to know, there is nothing harder than a goodbye kiss.

We didn't exchange emails or phone numbers or anything. I didn't want to hold on to her while I know there is no possibility for our love to grow, People always exchange phone numbers, E-mails, they end up writing or calling each other once or twice, and I don't want that.

I walked her to the car, everybody was saying goodbye to each other, but I was only looking at her saying more than just a goodbye with my eyes, and as the car drove away, I felt sorry for myself. I was left to drown in my own sorrow and despair. Of all the lovers out there, I should have seen that coming, I should have anticipated the ending, but would it have made a difference if I did? I greatly doubt that.

Sometimes I think to myself: "Would it be easy if nothing had happened between us at all?", at least I wouldn't be thinking about her, I wouldn't be wondering about what she is doing at this moment. I don't know what happened to me, something about that girl that made me easily attached to her. I shouldn't have put myself in that position, I knew she was going away, and I knew that I probably won't be able to see her again, and that only will break my heart, and it did. I hurt myself terribly before and I did it again. The question that I ask myself is: If I can go back in time, would I change things? Would I save myself from this heartbreaking experience? Strange as it may seem, I definitely won't change a thing.

Since then, I've never heard from her again, and maybe that was for the best. Days went by, and I found myself in a better shape than ever before in my life. To me, she will always be a singular unforgettable event; she will always be the only woman who won my heart in a single day.

: : End : :

Copyright 2008

A Day Of Love

Are You Lonely Or Alone ?

Article Written by : Zach

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be in a crowd of people at Grand Central Station and still feel lonely. You might use the word alone when you describe the situation: "I feel so alone." However, you're in Grand Central freaking Station. You're not alone. You're lonely.


Maybe your job sent you on a trip to a foreign country. You're in a comfortable hotel, and just down stairs there's a lobby and a bar and a restaurant.. Maybe you're in a major metropolitan area. A real tourist trap with hundreds of thousands of people within spitting distance from your window. However, your spouse and your kids and your family and your friends and everyone you hold dear is on the other side of the ocean, or maybe the whole planet. You might be alone in your hotel room, but you're not alone in the world. You may however, feel lonely.


You can also be the only person in your house, and you haven't been with anyone notable for awhile and you don't plan to be with anyone notable for the forseeable future. Maybe it doesn't bother you. Maybe you meant for this to happen. Maybe you need to work on a project of some sort and need no distractions so you can concentrate. Maybe you're going to write that novel you've been meaning to write all your life. Maybe you need to do your taxes. Doesn't matter. The point is, you're alone and it doesn't bother you at all. You chose to be alone. You're comfortable with yourself and who you are. You're alone but you're not lonely.


It's uncomfortable to be lonely, but if you're not alone you can usually do something about it. If you're alone but not lonely, there's no problem at all, is there? The thing to avoid is being alone and lonely at the same time. That is perhaps the greatest trap to anyone living.

Are You Lonely Or Alone ?

Days To Remember And Days To Forget

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

During the summer I was fifteen, I fall in love with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, that's how I felt, I told her my feelings and she said that she have feelings for me too, I couldn't believe myself. I was the happiest guy alive in the whole universe.

She was one of my relatives, she was eighteen, three years older than me, but it didn't make any difference to me, but sure it did to her, she just tried to ignore it as much as she could, because we just loved each other, and we wouldn't let anything separates us. we were two bodies with one soul, just thinking about her would make my heart aches, she had more courage than me, she is the one who kissed me first, I still remember that night like it was yesterday, when we kissed, I felt like a kid in a candy store, I didn't know what to do and what to do not, of course there is no need to mention that it was my first kiss. I loved that girl from every little piece of my heart, I just loved her, and I didn't care about anything else.


She was like a crystal, pretty to look at, but you can see through her, if you know what I mean, she had her faults and I had mine, I have to admit , I wasn't the king of kings either and as history thought us, every great love story comes to an end, so, we parted, it was not her fault, and sure it wasn't mine, it's just the way the story goes.

After a few years, I got to see her again and of course with the family presence, I just looked at her and surfed in our memories, those beautiful moments of heaven on earth. She got married, and now she have two cute little girls, they're very beautiful, and of course they didn't get that beauty from their father .

I will never forget that woman and I will keep a place for her in my heart as long as I lived.

: : End : :

Copyright 2008


Dedicated To A Special Woman

Days To Remember And Days To Forget

The Empty House

Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :

A Painting by : Jude Griebel

A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa

After spending some time away from home in a business trip, he finally reached his home, he entered the key in the keyhole, twisted it and opened the door. The house seemed so quite, as if it was empty for years, while he was only away for seven days. He said what every man says after coming home : " Honey, I'm back... honey... honey... " , only no one seemed to answer, probably because no one was there .

After the realization of the absence of any human being in his house, he went directly to the closet, it was empty, he sat down on the dusty floor, and slowly begin to understand what happened, he only found it hard to understand why it happened. He took enough time to recall all the signs that he should have noticed months ago.. but he didn't, his love to her was blinding him.

While sitting there, he was fighting tears back, but he couldn't, the emotions he was experiencing was bigger than him or than anything in the world, his tears was rolling down his cheeks. He knows a man shouldn't cry, especially over a woman who left him without a word, without a goodbye.

Suddenly the world seems dark and gloomy, he grabbed a picture of hers, looked at it, and all he could say was nothing but a typical response of a man with a broken heart .

" You left me, didn't you? I sacrificed everything for you and you sold me down the river like I was nothing... the knife you stabbed me with, still holds the fingerprints of your betrayal ... Go... I don't want you... I don't need you ... you disappointed me. But again the truth should be told, it's all my fault, because I gave you the chance to hurt me like that ... I deserve the outcomes of my irresponsible acts... that's it... I won't give my heart to anyone ever again."

: : End : :

Copyright 2008

The Empty House

Sadness

Poet : Unknown

Sometimes I hide my tears when I am sad
My sadness and my tears belong to me
It isn’t that I think such things are bad
I just prefer to keep them privately

I walk away until I’m by myself
My tears and sadness wait for me, alone
Then, like a book, I take them from their shelf
And all the words I read are all my own

Each page is stained by tears I’ve cried before
And every edge is worn by sadness too
My book of tears and sadness serves me more
Than all the cups of comfort ever do

And when I’ve set my tears and sadness free
I’m glad to know you’ll still be there for me

Sadness