Click 'play' to listen to the music and try to read and feel the story :
A Short Story Written by:
Hicham Sbaa
Hicham Sbaa
What is happiness? Is it having money? a job? a nice girl? Or is it the whole package? What if I have it all and still unable to be happy? What if I can't enjoy life anymore for no apparent reason? What if I can't feel happy anymore no matter what I do? What if pain and sorrow are the only emotions I can feel? Then how can I live through life? How can I at least fake the happy guy image? Would I be able to fool others, and maybe even fool myself into thinking that I'm happy, I'm normal? What if I'm doomed in this life? And what if I'm not? How can I recognize happiness when it happens when I can no longer feel it?
What is the secret to a happy life? I thought I figured that out a long time ago. I wasn't always like this, there was a time when I was happy and satisfied with what I have, I don't know what changed. When I was a kid, happiness was simple to achieve ; play by the rules and study hard, that was the secret and that's exactly what I did , and if you work hard in school then you'll be rewarded with more school and more study, and after school, the awaited reward is the best thing life can offer; a job, money, and a future, but if you were living where I live, the reward is something totally the opposite, the reward is sitting home with no job, no money , and hence no future. Sometimes it is good to have nothing, you don't have to worry much about what you're going to lose. But in the same time you're terrified of what the future holds for you. And even after you finally got a job and money, nothing seems to change, and your feelings are the same about life, something is always missing , there is no pleasure in anything you do , nothing you can feel but the suffering and the hopelessness of it all.
I lost my interest in life a long time ago. I see myself coming home after a long day at work, to my empty lonely home, and then I question myself; why working the whole day? Why going home when no one is waiting for me? I change my clothes, I eat something cold from the fridge, and lay down in my bed watching TV, I keep changing the stations on the hope of finding something good enough to forget about my miserable life for an hour or two, and then sleep to wake up the next morning to repeat yesterday all over again.
Sometimes while laying down in my bed, I don't know if I am really asleep or I am really awake , I feel like I'm floating on the surface of a sea of my thoughts, and at risk of drowning at any time.
I always thought that the reward of being a good kid is waiting for me somewhere and I just have to look for it. well, I'm done searching, as far as I believe now, there is no reward, there is no perfection, and certainly we are not here to make things perfect, we are here to live through our crisis and break our hearts, and die after we wished death hundreds times before, your good deeds will be waiting for you in the other life not in this one.
If it wasn't for my religious beliefs, I probably would have put an end to my life a long time ago, but I guess in this case, death is a wish I can't afford.
I look around and I see people passing by, going to whatever they're going to, I see smiles everywhere , I see a crowd of guys of my age talking and having fun ,I hear their laughs and I envy them for not questioning their lives and their happiness. Maybe I know too much about life for a guy of my age, maybe I think too much about things I'm not supposed to think about, Maybe I just need to relax and embrace my life as it is, maybe my life is not that bad after all and maybe it is.
They say that everyone has a purpose in life, sometimes a person lives their entire life without knowing what theirs is. I always thought I had a clear image of my purpose in life, I always thought I knew mine, I was sure of it, and soon enough I was wrong, and this is how I come to be what I am, and this is how these came to be my life; my happy life.
What is the secret to a happy life? I thought I figured that out a long time ago. I wasn't always like this, there was a time when I was happy and satisfied with what I have, I don't know what changed. When I was a kid, happiness was simple to achieve ; play by the rules and study hard, that was the secret and that's exactly what I did , and if you work hard in school then you'll be rewarded with more school and more study, and after school, the awaited reward is the best thing life can offer; a job, money, and a future, but if you were living where I live, the reward is something totally the opposite, the reward is sitting home with no job, no money , and hence no future. Sometimes it is good to have nothing, you don't have to worry much about what you're going to lose. But in the same time you're terrified of what the future holds for you. And even after you finally got a job and money, nothing seems to change, and your feelings are the same about life, something is always missing , there is no pleasure in anything you do , nothing you can feel but the suffering and the hopelessness of it all.
I lost my interest in life a long time ago. I see myself coming home after a long day at work, to my empty lonely home, and then I question myself; why working the whole day? Why going home when no one is waiting for me? I change my clothes, I eat something cold from the fridge, and lay down in my bed watching TV, I keep changing the stations on the hope of finding something good enough to forget about my miserable life for an hour or two, and then sleep to wake up the next morning to repeat yesterday all over again.
Sometimes while laying down in my bed, I don't know if I am really asleep or I am really awake , I feel like I'm floating on the surface of a sea of my thoughts, and at risk of drowning at any time.
I always thought that the reward of being a good kid is waiting for me somewhere and I just have to look for it. well, I'm done searching, as far as I believe now, there is no reward, there is no perfection, and certainly we are not here to make things perfect, we are here to live through our crisis and break our hearts, and die after we wished death hundreds times before, your good deeds will be waiting for you in the other life not in this one.
If it wasn't for my religious beliefs, I probably would have put an end to my life a long time ago, but I guess in this case, death is a wish I can't afford.
I look around and I see people passing by, going to whatever they're going to, I see smiles everywhere , I see a crowd of guys of my age talking and having fun ,I hear their laughs and I envy them for not questioning their lives and their happiness. Maybe I know too much about life for a guy of my age, maybe I think too much about things I'm not supposed to think about, Maybe I just need to relax and embrace my life as it is, maybe my life is not that bad after all and maybe it is.
They say that everyone has a purpose in life, sometimes a person lives their entire life without knowing what theirs is. I always thought I had a clear image of my purpose in life, I always thought I knew mine, I was sure of it, and soon enough I was wrong, and this is how I come to be what I am, and this is how these came to be my life; my happy life.
: : End : :
Copyright 2008
Copyright 2008
